The guilt

Ever since we got married and I've been staying over at his place more than my own home... I've been plagued by a strong sense of guilt.

I feel like I've abandoned my mother. And every time I think about this, tears will well up in my eyes...

Yet when I go back and stay over, I feel like there is no difference with my presence. I also tend to do my own things instead of spending time with her - just like how it was before I "moved out". I tend to take it for granted when I stay over.

If I just go back dinner, I will put in more effort in spending time with her... Even if it's just watching TV programmes with her.

It's not easy to switch habits between both homes too. And waking hours for work. I can't possibly have two exact sets of facial products at both places as well. Some are just too expensive.

I feel extremely torn about this situation. My father's unreasonable behaviour towards her doesn't help either. I keep hoping I'll get my home soon... So I can provide her with a safe haven if she needs one.

This, coupled with my serious lack of work satisfaction...

Money issue too. I want to give more to my mother so she doesn't have to worry about it 'cause my father is not helping. I want to earn more. I need a new job.

I feel so tired and bogged down. Like I've fallen into a thick swamp and trying to stay afloat...

That is why I am making changes to my life and commitments. With the changes, I will set off in a different direction that may help me achieve my goals.