Ungratifying.

I think so far, I haven't really had a tremendously gratifying job. I haven't felt any job satisfaction in a long time. The last time I felt any was when I was still teaching at a childcare centre. When the toddlers I took care of, learnt new skills or improved on their skills (or were just happy with what they were doing). Back then, I would feel so proud of their little achievements and milestones. I was so glad I was one of the people who helped to develop them holistically.

After I left the job... I don't recall being proud of my work or feeling any satisfaction or appreciation for whatever I have done. It's not that I didn't put my 100% into what I do/did. It's just that... I never had the chance to utilise my fullest potential. The things I have been doing or were doing... were/are far below what I am capable of doing. I'm not saying I'm so-damn-good. I'm saying, I've been under-utilised.

I feel so unappreciated as well. No matter how hard I work, nobody will acknowledge my effort, or recognise my untapped potential.

It's extremely demoralising.

That's why I want to get out of this rut. I want to be in a job where I can reach for the "stars" and see how far I can go. I want a place where they will recognise effort, talent and achievements in what we do, can do, and help to develop us. Just like how I helped to develop the kids in their skills. Wouldn't they feel a sense of achievement too when they coach and develop others?

Sigh.

The next place will be such a place. It will be.