The SIMS 3

[Source: http://sims.wikia.com/wiki/The_Sims_3]

The hubby and I got the game last weekend. We talked about it before, but I was not very keen as I think it's a very addictive game. Addictive games take away too much of your time. However, it was selling at a low price at the game shop we were in... so we decided to get it. :P

Just like how I felt when I started the Facebook version of The Sims (a long time back)... I was very frustrated at first. The characters were always hungry, tired or urgently needed to pee. I got them into jobs too soon as well and had no time to develop their relationship.

Through that, we kinda realised... isn't that like what real life is about for a lot of people? Or couples to be exact.

Everyone's so busy with work, with their own needs... there's little time left to maintain or develop relationships.

I made the characters quit their jobs. Coordinated the fulfilment of their needs and got them to spend time together. :D

Now they are happily married!

I haven't figured out how to get the photos I've taken in the game... if not I would post them here. Haha...

Anyway, if only real life is as easy as the game in terms of surviving without a job... endless supply of food in the fridge... and life is all about maintaining the home, relationship and your personal interests. And if you want to work, you can always start low at a company that you really want to work at and advance your career from there...

That would be so perfect.

Ungratifying.

I think so far, I haven't really had a tremendously gratifying job. I haven't felt any job satisfaction in a long time. The last time I felt any was when I was still teaching at a childcare centre. When the toddlers I took care of, learnt new skills or improved on their skills (or were just happy with what they were doing). Back then, I would feel so proud of their little achievements and milestones. I was so glad I was one of the people who helped to develop them holistically.

After I left the job... I don't recall being proud of my work or feeling any satisfaction or appreciation for whatever I have done. It's not that I didn't put my 100% into what I do/did. It's just that... I never had the chance to utilise my fullest potential. The things I have been doing or were doing... were/are far below what I am capable of doing. I'm not saying I'm so-damn-good. I'm saying, I've been under-utilised.

I feel so unappreciated as well. No matter how hard I work, nobody will acknowledge my effort, or recognise my untapped potential.

It's extremely demoralising.

That's why I want to get out of this rut. I want to be in a job where I can reach for the "stars" and see how far I can go. I want a place where they will recognise effort, talent and achievements in what we do, can do, and help to develop us. Just like how I helped to develop the kids in their skills. Wouldn't they feel a sense of achievement too when they coach and develop others?

Sigh.

The next place will be such a place. It will be.

I want more...

"Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more"
[Part of Your World - The Little Mermaid]

I've been very frustrated and unhappy.

I've avoided thinking about the triggers and causes. Or just didn't have time to think about them.

But yesterday, I thought it through while showering.

I used to write a lot. In fact, I wrote almost every day from 2002 to 2007. I was a very active "blogger".

My posts were mostly ranting and writings about my daily mundane life. But I wrote.

And I read a lot.

But, I don't know why, I gradually stopped writing... and reading (actually just books, I still read a lot of online stuff). Perhaps I write better/only have the mood to write when I am emotionally down. Perhaps it's 'cause life has been very kind to me for the past few years... so much so I had nothing to rant about.

Perhaps it is because I was really busy juggling studies and work. The fact that I had to write a lot during my course of study also turned me off from writing for quite some time. Then came the wedding, honeymoon and graduation. I got lazy.

Perhaps it's all the social media I got into - Tumblr, Twitter and Facebook. All my thoughts became small updates. I no longer had anything "substantial" to write about.

I subscribe to many blog feeds as well. And for a long time, I always made it a point to try to read through all the feeds every day after work.

I had too much on my plate to maintain my blogging/writing habit.

But I guess, it's time take a step back and look at the path I'm taking...

I need to set out on a new path.

I'm going nowhere in this path that I'm on. The path is just a big circle.

It leads me back to square one. This is not just in terms of my personal "commitments".

This is about my work as well. I took it up as it was the only job offer after 6 months of depressing search. I was taking a risk and making a big career switch. Nobody wanted to give me a chance 'cept for this company. I was and still remain really grateful.

The people have been great. The freedom and culture of the workplace are really wonderful as well.

But I want more.

I feel like I'm... losing all my potential. Confidence level is at an all-time low. I thought I could just stick to a mundane job that requires very little socialising, because I'm not a sociable person. But, I was so wrong.

My "career" before this switch, has always been a "social" one. Just not mainly with adults. But I built relationships with many people. Kids, parents, co-workers, bosses, etc. I failed to see that. I've always been a "sociable" person. Just not in the way I think how a sociable person should be like. Thus, I limited my job search to desk-bound jobs when I was making that switch.

My lunch time diet has set me out on a wrong foot in this company. My social life at this place is almost non-existent. I thought that would make me glad. It did not. I crave and need interactions.
Whatever potential God has given me, I'm wasting it. This has got to stop.

I really want a new job with more challenges and higher pay. Our home is building fast, my pay right now, for a graduate, is really low. I have to be realistic and practical. This is life.

I want to utilise my fullest potential. All that I have learnt. All that I COULD DO. I've suppressed myself, prevented myself from achieving more because of Fear. As I grow older, I realise, what I once feared, are just self-created barriers.

I've always felt caged up, somehow.

Deep down, I know I want to fly.

Now, I am prepared to take the leap of faith.

I believe if I actively seek for a chance... I will eventually get it.

I'm ready for more.

No more dilly-dallying. No more holding back.

I'm ready to take on the world. I have so much more to learn and give to this world.

Time to get my priorities right. Improve myself and learn new things like what I had planned to do after my wedding... and to stop wasting potential.